Communication

• The challenge is to switch our communication profile on the fly to make communication with others easier. It is easy to fall back into a communication style that we are comfortable with

• The approach is important. It is those first crucial seconds of interaction between you and a stranger that will set the tone for the rest of the engagement

  • Ask the following during the approach: What do you think a person you are about to communicate with needs from you so they can feel comfortable and safe?
    • Who are you?
    • What do you want?
    • Are you a threat?
    • How long will this take?

• To be a good influencer, you must think more about what the other person wants when communicating and less about how you prefer to communicate.

• The Medium Affects the Message - The medium you choose reveals a lot about your intended message even before you send it

DISC Framework §

	Direct	Indirect
Task Oriented	Direct	Conscientious
People Oriented	Influencer	Supporter

Direct	Influencer	Supporter	Conscientious
Direct	Outgoing	Even-Tempered	Analytical
Results-Oriented	Enthusiastic	Accomodating	Reserved
Firm	Optimistic	Patient	Precise
Strong-Willed	High Spirited	Humble	Private
Forceful	Lively	Tactful	Systematic

	Communicating in an authority pretext	Communicating in a subdued pretext
Direct	Be direct and straightforward Set firm boundaries Be brief and to the point Answer the what	Stress the what not the how Give options but emphasize the result Focus on logic Agree with facts and positions not just the person
Influencer	Be friendly and relaxed Allow the other person to do most of the talking Help their ideas get translated to action Answer the who	Stress the new and special Provide give and take Do not dominate Quote experts and testimonials
Supporter	Be systematic and objective Be relaxed and friendly Use consistency and answer the why Clearly define what you are asking for	Be patient Ask how questions Make the focus about the team
Conscientious	Be detailed Be dependable Provide recognition Answer the how	Use data and statistics Provide logic and facts Stress reliability

Building Rapport §

• Tribe Mentality is prevalent as a human phenomenon and c.an be exploited when building rapport. Mirror certain aspects of a group to become part of the tribe. Exploit Stereotypes.

• To build rapport is to build a bridge for communication based on trust and common interests. The goal is to make the other party better for having met you.

• Building enough rapport can lead to not having to apply social engineering principles to gain compliance; the target trusts and divulges information on their own. This is also a good indicator if sufficient rapport has been built.

• At the initial approach to the target, remember that your level of rapport will be zero.

Hadnagy and Robin’s Principles of Rapport §

• Use Artificial Time Constraints. Consider how long the engagement will take

  • If the time constraint is too quick or too artificial, it does not hold the weight it needs to
  • The time constraint must also be realistic for the pretext you chose to use.

• Accommodating Nonverbals. Your nonverbal body language needs to match the pretext you are using.

  • When nonverbal body language matches what is being said, the target can answer whether or not you are a threat.
  • The main obstacle is your own tension and nervousness. that gets in the way of controlling your emotions and nonverbal cues.
  • Understand clearly what would be normal for the pretext you are choosing and then have that in mind before you launch.

• Using a slower rate of speech

  • Speak too fast and your risk stuttering or stumbling over your words which does not build confidence
  • Speak too slow and you risk sounding condescending or ignorant.
  • Consider RSVP - Rhythm, Speed, Volume, and Pitch. Try to math the other person’s RSVP.
  • Use local lingo and slang.
  • Match your RSVP with your pretext.

• Employing Sympathy or Assistance Themes. If the sympathy or assistance request is handled properly, the person being asked will have a strong emotional connection to that request

  • The level of the assistance you request must be equal to the level of rapport you have built.
  • If someone with whom you have no rapport requests assistance that’s too personal or too great, it has the reverse effect of building rapport and can make you suspicious.

• Suspend your ego. Set aside your ego for the other person. Make the other person feel strong.

  • Let the target inflate their ego.
  • Have some knowledge on the topic; Pretend to have limited knowledge; Ask good questions.

• Validating Others. Agree with, Complement or Endorse someone else’s statements, decisions or choices, even if you may not genuinely agree.

  • The level of validation must be equal to the level of rapport
  • Allowing the other’s ego to inflate also makes them feel validated.

• Ask How, Why, and When Questions. Open ended questions are good for keeping a conversation going. Ask for their opinion

  • When employing open ended questions, listen to the response. Make sure to appear interested otherwise this kills rapport.
  • Practice active listening.

• Quid Pro Quo. Make sure that what you give them in the conversation feels equal to what they gave you.

  • The information you give doesn’t have to be real but remember that the more fake details you give, the more you must remember. Hence, Keep it simple, stupid.

• Employ reciprocal altruism. Send out altruism by giving something important to the target and in return the target gives something to you.

  • If you give something of value to a person, he or she will feel indebted and want to repay that gift
  • Remember that the receiver of the gift determines its value. Don’t assume that because you value it, the target will as well.

• Manage expectations Do not use these techniques all the time. Try not to get overwhelmed by the number of information you receive.

  • Going too far may damage rapport permanently.
  • Leave them feeling better for having met you. If things are not going well, back off and move on.

• Learn to disengage. When you need to exit the conversation, have a few strategies in mind. These strategies can employ the other techniques to have a more graceful exit.

Conversation §

• Framing — how someone views or reacts to certain situations, is largely based on an accumulation of personal experience. Framing is a dynamic thing.

• The goal of proper communication should be to bridge between you and your interlocutor’s frame.

• Consider Lakoff’s Rule for Framing

  • Everything you say evokes the frame.
    • Think of how details matter in creating Narrative.
    • Think about your vocabulary and ask if the word choices evoke any emotion (positive or negative). Be cautious when it is evokes potentially negative emotions
  • Words that are defined with the frame, evoke the frame
    • You can describe a thing without having to name the thing itself, a variant of Show don’t tell.
  • Negating the frame should be avoided.
    • If you do not want your interlocutor to think about it, don’t mention it; don’t make them think about it.
    • Negating the frame entails mentioning the frame of the opposition.
  • Causing the target to thinking about the frame reinforces the frame.

• Elicitation - getting information that you never asked for. It is steering the conversation in a certain way to obtain information.

  • If done right, elicitation should look and feel like a normal, non-forced conversation with your target.
  • Appeal to the target’s ego
    • Be sincere
    • Have the appropriate level of rapport
    • Be realistic.
    • Be mindful of how others act.
  • *Establish mutual interest and set aside controversial disagreements. *
    • Look for a middle ground between two opposing camps.
    • Avoid controversial topics
  • Use deliberate false statements.
    • This exploits the human instinct to correct people for their mistakes.
    • Using deliberate false statement too many times in a row can make you come across as unknowledgeable, and that can make your target lose faith in you.
    • This works much better if you establish more rapport
    • The false statement must have some truth to it. Do not confuse the target.
  • Have Knowledge but Don’t be a know-it-all. Knowledge makes you more believable.
  • Use questions.
    • Exploit the human reflex to formulate responses to questions.
    • Questions can keep the conversation more interesting
    • Open ended questions don’t direct the receiver to any particular direction, but allows them to answer from their opinion.
      • They allow the target control of how much to give.
      • They can help build rapport and validate the target’s ego.
      • Using this requires employing active listening.
    • Closed-ended questions elicit brief and narrow answers.
      • They are used to verify facts already known.
      • They are used to read nonverbals.
      • They allow securing explicit bits of information.
    • Leading questions lead the brain to focus on one thing and ignore everything else.
    • Assumptive questions are when you have some knowledge and can make an assumption to confirm that knowledge with a question or statement. They can be used to bypass conversation stoppers.

Nonverbal Communication §

• We can use pretexts to elicit the emotions we want with the person we are communicating with.

• The key is to have a grasp on the emotions that we display to others, and conversely to react to the emotions displayed by others.

• Emotional reactions cause nonverbal responses as seen in nonverbal cues.

• If you create an emotion, or you cause the target to express that emotion, you can leave the target feeling that emotion.

• A baseline is the emotional content you see being displayed at the moment you start observing.

  • The baseline is not the person’s personality, it is focused on the emotional content displayed at the moment.
  • It is not the mere presence or absence of behaviors, such as gaze aversion or fidgeting, that indicates lying. Rather, it is how these nonverbal cues change over time from a person’s baseline and how they combine with the individual’s words. And, when just the behavioral cues from these sources are considered, they accurately differentiate between lying and truth telling.
  • Approach each situation without using preconceived judgments, even if you’re approaching a target you’ve interacted with before

• Consider some rules for body language

  • Focus on the What — not the Why. Don’t make connections between the what and why without having all the information.
  • Examine the Clusters. Do not focus on one cue, use context and other cues to derive the subtext.
  • Look for congruence specifically between verbal and nonverbal communication.
  • Pay attention to the Context. Without context, you may misread the nonverbal cues. Ask how people usually act in a particular context.

Emotional Responses §

• Anger
  • Tense, tight, ready to fight.
  • Attempting to make themselves larger.
  • Eyes are wide open with the brows furrowed.
  • Glaring eyes
• Disgust
  • The person is attempting to turn away from the thing causing disgust
  • Repulsed or lack of interest
• Contempt
  • A sense of moral superiority.
  • Puffing up and appearing bigger. or aggressive.
  • A smirk or a smile, usually unilateral (i.e., one side raised).
  • Raise of the chin as if looking down on someone.
• Fear
  • Eyes wide open; Heightened senses ready to flee
  • Tension of the body; An audible gasp of air.
  • A startled expression or reaction.
  • The mouth opens in an “eek” expression as if bracing oneself.
• Surprise
  • Eyes are wide open
  • Body tenses
  • The mouth opens in an “Ohh” shape as if catching one’s breath in shock.
  • Alternatively, the person may cover their mouth
  • Head leaning back with raised expressions.
• Sadness
  • Corners of the mouth turning down
  • Eyelids drooping
  • Eyebrows coming together and going up.
  • The person becomes smaller / the opposite of confident
  • The person seeks comfort (i.e., holding themselves).
  • Blocking of the eyes, as if to hide tears.
• Happiness
  • A genuine smile — one where crows feet are obvious.
  • A confident posture and stance. The person appears bigger.
  • Open and frontal displays.
  • A sense of bounciness

Links §

• Persuasion

• Linguistics

• Thinking Fast And Slow

• Social Engineering — The Science of Human Hacking by Hadnagy